I Think That I Shall Never See

So there I was, minding my own business, watching the hotel workers set up for a show in the hotel bar. This place had a 2 story ceiling with living trees growing through cutouts that went clear to the ground. It could all be fake, who know, and who cares? But I was watching one guy in particular who was miking the ...area so we could better here the performers. He had already tested the stage mikes, and now he was climbing up each tree and wrapping overhead mikes into the branches near the stage. I guess they wanted a fuller and better balanced sound, which is why they were using choir mikes up in the trees. It was a nice effect, because they were there and you couldn't even see them.

You see, I was watching this one guy in particular because not only was he the only one who climbed a ladder to get to the tree limbs, but he also seemed to have a real fat wallet in his back pocket. I decided I wanted to become better acquainted with whatever lived in here. So as soon as he came back to earth, I motioned him to a corner blocked off by the trees, as I didn't think this would need an audience. I made sure he wasn't in a hostile mood about my wanting to see his ID by taking the expedient measure of knifing him.

You know what was in the wallet? Flyers for the performance! Now that ticks me off so much.

 Maddi just iced Mike Lim, bringing their total body count to 995 in Mafia Wars. Maddi is offering you a special bonus and wants to know if you think you are as fierce as they are!

Don't Go Behind the Tree!

So there I was, minding my own business, sitting in a downtown Moscow hotel bar. Then I saw a Habanero come in, and I recognized him instantly. He was a confederate of my sworn enemy Pepe, the one who kept stealing the talent from my nightclubs. More like kidnapping them. I bet he was here to stop tonight's perform...ance, and I was actually looking forward to it.

I wasn't going to wait for an explanation, so I just shot him. There. He's not walking off with anybody now.

Maddi just iced Rodrigo Marques, bringing their total body count to 996 in Mafia Wars. Maddi is offering you a special bonus and wants to know if you think you are as fierce as they are!

Deck the Fusilage

So there I was, minding my own business, watching the spilled coffee soak into the carpet of a plane enroute to Moscow. I'd only seen two corpses on the flight so far, so it might be a relatively violence-free journey.

Then again, it might not.... This Italian byotch is screeching opera arias, or maybe she was imitating a low-quality violin returning to its roots, namely making the noise a tortured cat would produce while being disemboweled. I politely asked her to shut the frack up, and she rudely ignored me. Some of the other passengers were trying to telepathically signal her that shutting up was an excellent idea. She continued to ignore us all and began practicing vocal scales.

So I garroted her with her own vocal cords. Kind of a hoist on one's own petard kind of ending, but without the petard. And just to be absolutely sure, I shot her too.

Maddi just iced Marcella Tralala, bringing their total body count to 573 in Mafia Wars. Maddi is offering you a special bonus to make you as fierce as they are!